Shattered
by Urban Twilight
Summary: [AU] Kenshin x Kaoru A perilous game that Kaoru doesn't even know she's been snared in. Her tattered soul, his hidden secrets, and how can someone pull themselves back together only to be shattered again?
1. A Blade Flashing in the Night

Disclaimer: Do I own Rurouni Kenshin and Co.? Hmm tough question... In case you didn't notice that this is a _fanfiction_ site, I obviously don't own anyone that I write.

_Shattered_

By Urban Twilight

Chapter 1: A Blade Flashing in the Night

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_In the dim moonlight that managed to shine a distilled light on the tatami mat floor of the room, the blood that glittered and shone with an eerie glow seemed almost black. The first thing that she thought as she gazed with a quiet detachment at the scene was that she would never be able to clean the walls and the mats on the floor of the liquid that they were drenched in, or ever be able to rid the room of the salty metallic scent of blood that bit into her lungs._

_Only one figure remained standing, and he stood so still that she only realized that it was there when it resheathed it sword in a smooth motion, a resounding click echoing through the room. Below him was a mangled corpse, thick slashes carving grooves through his clothes and skin. The lone figure stood still for another few moments, and she could see the long hair pulled high into an elegant ponytail on the person's said. She first assumed that the person was girl, before she heard it say, softly, so very softly, "Sumanai." That deep baritone voice was distinctly male, and as he turned around to walk back towards the entrance, his walk only confirmed it. It was a long, striding walk, and it intrigued her because he seemed so atuned to his body, his movement so graceful that she hardly heard any rustling of his hakama. His fluent way of moving gave away his knowledge of kenjutsu more then the katana at his waist ever would, and she recognized it._

_She was strangely still as the man suddenly stopped, and looked straight at the doorway were she was hiding. She tried to still any movements and willed herself to sink more deeply into the shadowed corner on the wall, a strange fear that she had never felt before crawling up her throat. She barely had anytime to feel surprise, only a deep dread as she heard the sound of a sword being pulled free of it's sheath, and her eyes widened in surprise as the man suddenly appeared in front of her. Everything seemed to slow down, she heard her own sharp intake of breath, and watched as the man reached towards her, fast, /i too fast i , his hand clenched around the handle of his sword and bringing his curled fist towards her face. Her eyes followed the silver flash of the polished metal sword, a distinct sharpness against the burning amber gaze that bore down on her under wild tresses of strangely bright hair that framed the attacker's face. His eyes were deep, so deep that as her own eyes locked in a stare with his, she felt that she could have looked inside them forever and never have found the bottom. She couldn't put her finger on the emotions that she saw there, his eyes gave away nothing but a hollowness that happened when a person cut off their thoughts. The last thing she was aware of as the hilt of the sword smashed into the side of her temple, was the man's aristocratic face, and a large curving scar that ran down the soft skin of his left cheek in a smooth arc. And then she fell into a deep, cold darkness, so frigid and so black, she was sure that she had died._

Kaoru woke with a strangled gasp, her lungs pulling at her throat, begging for air as if she had almost been drowned in water.Slowly she came to her senses, her body shivering as it lay tangled in twisted blankets, her dark hair curling around the pillow in a long braid. She blinked slowly, letting her eyes grow accustomed to the darkness of the room, her eyes wide with shock and disorientation.

Slowly Kaoru felt her heart return to a normal beat, and managed to detach her legs from the tangled blankets. Even in the darkness of a familiar room, she felt suffocated by the shadows that crept and hide in the corners, and hastily flicked on the light.

The brightness that filled the room made her eyes twitch and narrow, and she drew her hand over her eyelids with a sigh, before she felt the burning against them lessen. She looked around the small room in a moment, gaining the comfort that came from knowing that everything was where it should be, nothing had changed, nothing was wrong.

The room was simple and small, The only furniture was a small dresser and night table with a lamp. In the far corner was a closet, big enough to hang the few clothes that were too big to fit in the dresser, as well as a pair or two of shoes. The door squeaked gloomily on it'S hinges, and she could still see the faint glow of the bathroom light that shone down the hall of her apartment. It was strangely quiet, even with her soft panting and the creaking of the rusty springs in her bed.

Kaoru sighed with a mixture of relief and dread. Relief, because she had managed to wake up again from the dream that plagued her nights without screaming or noticing anything that was out of place. Everything seemed normal. Everything was fine, at least, it was when she could just be awake and pretend that she was just a normal girl.

Dread, because she didn't know how much longer it would take for that moment in her past to completely separate itself from her life. The truth was, she didn't really think it ever would. She was the kind of person who kept her suffering close to her heart, and she felt that her sub-conscious was mostly likely just reminding her that everything that happened from that moment on had made her life hell. It would never disappear.

For four years, that dream had crept up from the shadows of her mind to play over and over in her sleep. Always she was powerless to do anything but watched as the same moment in her life played over and over again in front of her eyes. That moment in her life when she realized that life for people who had everything torn from them in one moment had little chance of gaining a sense of normalcy again. You can't piece you're life back together if there is nothing left for you to build it on. For her, that moment had happened when she had been fifteen years old, and watched as her father's lifeless body soaked in it's own blood before his murderer.

Closing her eyes, Kaoru tried, one of out many times, to recall what the killer had looked like. Already his features were dissolving in her mind's eye, swept away by her rational, conscious self, the part of her that was too afraid to look at the murderer face, too afraid to remember anything beyond those strange, cold, detached amber eyes that made her blood turn to ice. In the dream he was seen clearly, she knew, but she also knew that, because it was a dream, she was doomed to never be able to remember what he looked like when she was awake. The only thing that she was ever able to recall was the one thing that burned in her mind even when she was awake. That deep burning gaze... eyes that were a glowing amber in the darkness...

With a just the sound of her breathing in her ears, Kaoru spent the rest of the night alone in her empty room.

- - - - -

At first she thought the pounding in her ears was her heartbeat echoing through her body, before she finally realized that someone was knocking at her door. And shouting curses that were definitely directed at her.

She swung her legs dejectedly off the bed, and pulled a wrinkled bathrobe from a grungy pile of clothing on the floor, shrugging her shoulders into the threadbare material. Her feet stumbled across the carpet floor of the apartment, and Kaoru rubbed slightly at her eyes, trying to fight off the lingering drowsiness.

"I'm coming!" she called out, hoping to quiet the voice calling at her from the other side of the door. She knew the voice, but her mind hadn't put the pieces together of why her apartment building super intendant would be hollering at her at -- she glanced quickly at the glowing numbers on her microwave -- 7:00 in the morning.

Unfortunately, her response had the opposite reaction the she wanted. Instead of quieting the man down, he instead started pounding more violently at the door, telling her that she bet her sorry ass out there right now.

Kaoru finally felt the dread seep into as she crossed the kitchen towards her door. She knew that Hiruma Gohei had never been fond of her, and personally, she found the man quite imposing. But she had a feeling that she knew the reason why he had decided to call on her, obviously hostile.

Slowly she drew the door open, and Gohei immediately pushed his way past her, his bulk filling the small space of apartment like a smoking volcano.

"You little bitch," he snarled at her menacingly. "It's about time that I kick you out. Your rent is two months overdue, and no one is going to convince me to give you more time."

Kaoru said nothing back. She knew he was right, and she had no excuse, nothing she could say to convince him otherwise.

She remained impassive as the super intendant stormed into her room, pulling her clothes out of the closet and drawers and onto her bed. Kaoru followed him quietly, watching him silently as he continued to deposit her belongings. Her eyes followed his movements, as he tore her clothes of their hangers, tossed books and pencils of her dresser. Piece by piece he grabbed anything within his reach, and all of them he tossed onto her bed.

Kaoru watched him for a few moments, her head cocked slightly as she analyzed his movements.

"What are you doing." Her voice was strangely flat, with no fight left in it. Her tone was so emotionless, it was hardly even a question.

"I want you out of here by this afternoon. I don't care where you go, just be out of here before two o'clock so the new tenant can move in," he shot back at her, still continuing his rampage.

"I can do it myself, you know," Kaoru replied, he voice a little louder this time, even thought her eyes still stared straight ahead, not a Gohei, but beyond.

Gohei grabbed the wooden bokken that reclined against the wall, and looked at it for a few moments before tossing it carelessly onto the pile of junk on her bed.

Then he glared at her from across the room, before snorting indignantly. "Then do it."

Kaoru only watched him as he strided purposely through the kitchen and back out the door. It took her awhile to finally realize the weight of what he had said, and what it meant for her. It took her even longer to realize that she was crying.

- - - - -

_Well here I am, _thought Kaoru cheerlessly. _On the streets again, but why I am surprised. I lost my job ages ago._

Looking at her from the regular passer-by's point of view, she really did seem like your regular derelict. She had sat down on the closest bench she could find to rest her feet for awhile, her large and tired looking suitcase her only luggage, except for the bokken and katana that looked strangely out of place from where they were tied on her back.

Kyoto was a big city. Kaoru knew this, she had been running around on their streets on and off since she was 16 years old, running away from numerous foster homes and now kicked out of her own apartment. She was pretty sure that she knew how big Kyoto was, but she had still decided to walk to the train station and save herself the money she would need to buy herself a ticket somewhere-- anywhere --instead of just taking the subway.

But, like she had said, Kyoto was a big city. She was beginning to wonder about how smart her decision to walk had been.

Well, she knew why.

She shivered slightly as she imagined what it would be like having to been squished inside the subway car like a bunch of livestock, and suddenly found the long walk to the train station much more appealing. But then again, she still had to face the many faces of the strangers, something that to her was more like a form a torture. But, she would have had to face it one way or the other. She was in a city, a city that she didn't even know why she wanted to leave it so badly, but a city none-the-less, and cities had people in them.

With a soft sigh, she wrapped her fingers firmly around the handle of her suitcase and heaved herself off the bench. It was time she continued on, and she needed to be able to get tickets somewhere before all the trains left, or else she would have to use the rest of her money for a room in a cheap hotel.

Only after a few steps did she feel the hair on the back of neck rise. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw, or rather, felt the steady amber gaze on her, and turned her head sharply towards them. Nothing. Just random strangers minding their own business.

But then...! A flash of silver that sliced it's way through the shadows in a dirty alleyway. Kaoru took a deep breath, trying to slow her heart beat down, her senses screaming at her to run as golden eyes peered at her from all around...

It took awhile for Kaoru to reorient herself as she realized that she was one the ground, on her hands and knees panting heavily. She closed her eyes again, willing herself to gain control over herself, when she looked up towards middle-aged woman who was shaking her shoulder gently.

"Sumimasen.." said the woman hesitantly. "Daijoubu desu ka?"

Kaoru chided herself in her head before forcing out a smile and replying, "Hai, daijoubu."

Kaoru scolded herself once more after she stood up and made sure that she kept her eyes looking forward the rest of the way. Really, she had thought that she had gotten over _that_ problem, but obviously she was wrong. Maybe she had just been too distracted lately, it had been awhile since she had lost control so badly. Really, her father would be ashamed of how little she manipulate her emotions, hadn't he always taught her how to be strong and control her ki...?

She forced away the memories that those thoughts caused to come flooding in. Her father, teaching her diligently the way of the Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu...

It was after he had died that Kaoru became so distrustful of strangers. Blades flashing and amber eyes staring at her from everyone's faces even in the most cheerful of places, whether it be a festival or a dark alleyway.

She shook her head again. No, her problem wasn't normal.

_Of course it isn't, baka, how many people do you think have delusions that everyone around her are sword-wielding murderers?_

Once again Kaoru had to try to quench those thoughts, force them away somewhere in the back of her mind... preferably the same place where she kept the memories of that murderer's face...

So, she thought that, surely, after she left this place, this city, she go anywhere, be anyone and do anything she wanted. She didn't need to let the past control her future anymore, and maybe now she could begin to put her life back together, piece by piece...

- - - -

The man at the ticket stand gave her a look that made her think that something was wrong with her. Quickly she scanned herself from her shoes up to her shoulders, just to make sure. _Nope,_ she thought to herself. _I'm a little grubby, but I don't look all that bad. It must be the katana._

"You want to buy a ticket at this time of day?" the man asked her slowly, as if she was senile. "The only train that leaves here today that isn't booked is heading straight for Tokyo. Un-reserved seat, of course. It will take awhile, it's a one way trip."

"I'll take it!" Kaoru cried, trying to sound enthusiastic, even though it wasn't all that hard. Tokyo was good, it was a big city and far away from Kyoto. She remembered the few clear days there when she was able to see Mt. Fuji. Her father had laughed when she pointed this out and told her that one day they would climb it together...

The man gave her another sceptical look before tapping a few keys on his computer. "That will be 8,000 yen, please."

Kaoru felt her face pale a bit as she dug around her wallet until she slowly drew out the correct amount. She watched apprehensively as the man studied the bills for a few moments before handing her the ticket.

"The train will be leaving at 3:00PM. Please enjoy your trip."

Kaoru walked away through the ticket gate. After pulling at her ticket to tug it out of the slot, she continued her way towards her platform, clutching the ticket in her hand. She wondered vaguely how much money she would have left for a hotel when she got to Tokyo. Well, if worst got to worst, she had no qualms about spending the night in a park. But the question was, what would she do after that?

How could she start her life over again?

Kaoru sat down on the bench with a sigh, and gave a short glance at the clock from where she sat. 12:36 PM. Still two hours and a half before her train would be leaving. She sighed and wondered vaguely if it would look odd if she started practicing her katas in the middle of a train station. Her fingers brushed the hilt of her bokken temptingly, before she decided that it would probably attract too much attention.

Her eyes were pulled towards the slightly worn-out hilt of the katana that lay beside her bokken, and picked it up, despite the slight trembling of her fingers. She stared at her fingers, white knuckled, as they gripped the smooth curve of the saya. For a few moments, she was lost in contemplation before her hand returned to the hilt and tugged the katana half-way out.

She shivered slightly at the sight of well-polished steel, before her eyes traced the sharp edge of the sword. And then she smiled almost wistfully at the small dents in the blade and at the way the metal reflected the fluorescent lights of the platform.

Quickly she resheathed the sword and put it back in it's place, and began to occupy herself in finding ways to pass the time before she would be on her was to Tokyo. She looked around at the other passengers waiting for their own train, but didn't find any of them all that interesting.

After awhile, Kaoru did the math in her head and figured that it would take a couple of hours to get to Tokyo, so she should be prepared to get there late. Kaoru sighed at the complications that were already forming, probably the outcome of her flimsy escape plan. She stretched her arms over her head, feeling a little satisfied as the tension in her back eased up a bit. Then she made herself comfortable for the long wait.

A few hours and an almost-stolen bokken later, Kaoru breathed a small sigh of relief as the screen across the platform announced the soon arrival of the train. She quickly gathered her small belongings and made her way to the line up behind the small number of people who were taking the same train.

Surprisingly, the train was not very crowded when she came in, in fact there were so little people other than the small crowd getting on now, she was surprised that the train hadn't been cancelled. Not as if she was ungrateful, she was glad to finally be on her way out, glad to finally going somewhere.

She had to admit, she wasn't even a little bit sad to be leaving Kyoto. It was strange that she felt to attachment to it, after all, Kyoto was a beautiful city, especially compared to a concrete jungle like Tokyo. And it had been her home since she was 16 years old. But at the same time, Kaoru just seemed to find something strange about Kyoto, almost like under the beauty of it's shrines and traditional buildings, Kyoto was hiding something sinister that she couldn't quite put her finger on.

Kaoru made herself comfortable in one of the empty seats at the end of the train car. She knew that the trip would be a few hours long and that it was good to have a window seat, even if it would be dark for part of the trip. Even if she couldn't see anything out of it, just looking at something other then seat opposite would calm her down and make the trip seem longer.

Inwardly, she sighed. _Tokyo. I wonder if I'm going crazy._

_Of course you're crazy,_ a voice tauted back at her inside her head. _Idiot, who in their right mind would act like you, if they weren't crazy?_

This thought provoked a small chuckle. Kaoru was surprised at herself for a moment, before she began laughing hysterically at herself for being so sombre. The laughter made her feel good and feeling good felt... well, good. It made her scenario feel a little less complicated and a little more hopeful.

With a lurch, Kaoru felt the train begin to lurch, and she sat still as she fell into the rhythm of the train speeding down the tracks. The scenery outside her window was a blur as the train accelerated, and Kaoru sighed again. She was really here, she was really leaving. But the problem was, she didn't know where she was going...

Kaoru continued staring at the window until she placed her forehead against the cool glass. She blinked one, twice, looking at the scenery as she was whisked away from it. She closed her eyes and thought for a few moments, trying to find any hint at all inside her, any kind of emotion the truly regretted her decision.

She could find none. And it was true, Kaoru truly wasn't sorry that she was leaving. She didn't want to stay another day in the city where her father got murdered, after all.

_That must be what Kyoto is hiding from me. The fact that even though it may seem like the most perfect place to live, underneath the beauty is drenched with spilled blood. I'm happy that I'm leaving, I'm happy that I don't have to live in that horrible place anymore. And nothing's ever going to make me go back._

Kaoru was brought out of her reverie by the sound of a trolley being pushed through the aisle. As if reacting to the sound, Kaoru heard her stomach growling menacingly at her. This almost caused her to laugh again, but managed to hold it in as the food cart got came into view.

Kaoru saw that she was limited to a few bento boxes, and some water bottles before she realized that she didn't really have any money to spare for food. But... she hadn't eaten since she left her apartment...

_To hell with it all,_ she thought, feeling like a rebel as she bought a small bento box that conviently came with it's own drink. She thanked the man as she handed him the money and pulled her disposable chopsticks apart before she tucked in. The rice was slightly soggy, and had never been very found of her fish soaked in vinegar, but she had to admit, it was better than anything she could cook.

Kaoru felt slightly more content after she finished eating, and began to realize how tired she felt after a few moments of looking out the window again. When she began to yawn, she finally understood the depth of her exhaustion and fell into a light, but restful, sleep.

- - - -

The rest of the ride went without any hitch, the train moving swiftly across the edge of Japan as it effortlessly skimmed away the miles separating Kyoto and Tokyo. Kaoru spent most of the time sleeping, and had to shaken awake nine hours later by a disgruntled man when the train finally arrived.

Her face flushed with embarrassment, she mumbled a rushed "Gomen nasai!" before she whisked herself off the train and into the landing platform of the train station. She made her way cautiously out of the empty building, it was practically midnight, after all. But despite this, the city of Tokyo itself seemed to be bustling with movement. Kaoru sighed, and sat down against the cool brick surface of the building beside her. Now that she was here... what did she do?

_Of course you didn't bother to think of what would happen when you finally got here,_ she scolded herself inwardly. _Kaoru no baka._

She looked into her wallet to check to see how much money she had left, and if she should bother to buy herself a hotel room for the night. Perhaps that wouldn't be too bad, what she needed was to get a job, get a new apartment, get a new life...

With a gasp and a curse over the few dirty bills that she had left in her wallet, Kaoru quickly decided to go the way of frugality and to just find the nearest pack to spend the night in. She would have to rough it but, just for tonight, she would just suck it up and make due with what she had. Maybe everything would be better tomorrow...

...if only that were true.

By the next day, things were looking much more bleaker and Kaoru was sure that she looked as miserable as she felt.

For starters, somewhere in the middle of the night it had begun to rain, and not just a short shower that she would have expected for early September, but a heavy blanket of wetness had seemed to descend upon the city, pulled and whipped around by a torrential wind that caused Kaoru to wake up shivering and thoroughly soaked through.

When she had finally gathered her drenched things and travelled more towards the heart of the city, she began to realize how hopeless her situation was. If she didn't want to spend another rain-battered night curled up on a bench, she needed to get money to buy a few nights in a cheap hotel. But how would she get money? No one would hire her as she was now, someone who was obviously homeless and penniless. And unless she wanted to beg on a street corner, she had no other way of getting herself some money. She didn't feel like degrading herself to begging from strangers, even though she was homeless, she didn't i feel /i as if she was just a regular bum looking for the next meal. She still had her dignity, and she would hold fast onto it until she had no choice.

But the problem was, she didn't have any choices at all.

Kaoru stopped for a second and moved off the sidewalk -- and out of the rain-- under the hangover roof of a little café to take her bearings and to rest for a few minutes. She glanced carelessly at a few of the people that passed by her before quickly looking away, afraid of what she might see. She glanced her eyes upwards, gazing at the towering buildings that stood out regally against the grey, cloud-covered sky. When she had lived in Tokyo with her father, she had been young, in fact, she had lived there practically since birth until she turned nine. She remembered their little apartment, and how large and unwelcoming the city had seemed to her then. It was no different now, but Kaoru wasn't afraid like she was when she had been younger.

She remembered how often they had moved around after they had left their apartment, how diligently her father worked to keep her happy when they on the move. She had never really understood why her father insisted every few months -- when she had just started to get used to the change -- that they would move again to another place. Always the reasons were the same. A better job, and nicer house, a safer neighbourhood. "I'm just looking for the perfect place to live, Kaoru," he would tell her. It took Kaoru awhile to realize that her father wasn't looking for anything, but running away from _something_. She didn't know what it could be, but the suspicion was there, and it made her wonder what --or who-- her father was so afraid of.

Before they had left Tokyo, her father had been a lawyer. His income had been steady and made it so that they could fairly comfortably in the crowded city. Kaoru had never known her mother, who had died not long after Kaoru had been born, and had often felt the lack of motherly love, and despite the affection she knew father held for her, he had been stern.

When they began to move around, it was as if he had become a completely different person. At first, they had moved to a small prefecture outside of Osaka, her father renting a small dojo there. Her father was then no longer Kamiya Koshijirou, the well respected Tokyo lawyer, but a man that Kaoru no longer knew, a man that began to practice kenjutsu in a style that he called "Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu." This style, he told her, had been in her family for generations and it was time that he began to teach it to her. She didn't understand at the time why he was so bent on kenjutsu, but had trained as hard as she could and found the joys of the art. Until she was older, it had never occurred to her then that maybe her father had a different motive to why wanted to teach her kendo.

Kaoru fiddled with the handle of her suitcase, and brought her hands up to her hair to try and wring out some of the water. She was semi-successful, until she realized that it would probably only get soaked again if the rain didn't stop soon. She shivered slightly as she felt the moisture of her neck trace patterns down her spine.

She was brought out of her reverie by a man walking past her. There wasn't anything particularly odd about him, except for his hair's peculiar shade. For a second she thought he was gaijin, it was Tokyo after all, and she had seen gaijin before, but his face was definitely Japanese. His hair was a bright color of red, it's long strands pulled back in a low pony-tail at the base of his neck. He held a very domesticated aura about him, carrying a few bags of groceries and walking with a relaxed grace in his steps as he maneuvered around the mob of people. He was short but his walking stride was long and full of purpose...

..._and she recognized it_...

With a start, she bolted into the crowd. She could see the man's unmistakable hair as it stuck out, a bright contrast against the mostly black haired people. She called out, her voice in her throat, "Matte! _Matte!_" Pushing her way through multitude of the people around her, she called out again.

"Please wait! You, with the red hair!"

She saw him turn around, his eyes shining in puzzlement about why someone he hardly knew was suddenly there, panting, calling out for him. They were a startling shade of violet, his eyes, but Kaoru didn't note this. She saw him turn around, his hair brushing against his back gently, his face tilting at an angle as he studied her...

_Amber eyes burning into her vision--_

_A soft rustling of hakama as his body blurs at a God-like speed--_

_The silver glint of the blade of a katana reflecting in the moonlight--_

_Fear catching in the back of her throat--_

_The smell of blood filling her senses--_

_The sharp pitch of screaming echoing in her ears--_

_And darkness so deep and so cold she thinks she has died..._

- - - -

A/N: And this is the first chapter of my RurouKen fanfic. Please R and R, I would really appreciate any feedback, it really helps! Please note that this is my first try at Rurouni Kenshin, and also at writing an AU.

Thanks for reading! (Unless you just skipped to the A/N, in which case, "Grrr!")

-Urban

**Japanese Terms:**

Tatami- straw mats used on the floors of most Japanese-style rooms

Sumanai- I'm sorry, exuse me (a more casual form of "sumimasen" )

Hakama- Sleeve like pants that is worn often in the series

Katana- Sword used by samurai

Bokken- wooden sword that Kaoru usually uses in the series

Saya- The sheath of a katana

Kenjutsu, Kendo- The art of practicing swordplay

Daijoubu desu ka?- Question meaning "Are you alirght?"

Hai- "Yes"

Ki- this is mentioned sometimes in the anime but more in the manga, it's kind

of like the life force in a person's body. Kenshin is able to guess an opponent's

next moves by reading ther ki.

Yen- The currency used in Japan. 100 yen is roughly $1.00 US

Bento- It's an old tradition of putting foods in specially made boxes,

they can be used for lunches, and are sold in supermarkets and shops in Japan.

Gomen Nasai- A more formal, "I'm sorry"

Gaijin- Foreigner, outsider, anyone who isn't of Japanese heritage

Matte- The first word that Kaoru calls out to Kenshin in the anime ( I'm not so sure of the manga)

meaning "Wait!"


	2. A Little Bird

Disclaimer: I would be lying if I said I didn't _want_ to own the Kenshin-gumi, do you think it would work if I blackmailed Watsuki-sensei? -cackles-

_Shattered_

By Urban Twilight

Chapter 2: A Little Bird

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If he had known how the day would have taken such a strange turn, Kenshin was sure that he would have just decided to stay at home today.

He couldn't say that the morning had started out nicely, ominous clouds had rolled in over night and had made the short drive from his small town in Nishitama to Tokyo more miserable than it should have been. It seemed that the deeper he got into the city, the harder the rain became. This probably wasn't the case, but Kenshin usually found his monthly trips into the urban area of Tokyo stressful even on the good days. He mostly did these trips out of necessity, to get the things that were either too expensive or too hard to find where he lived... among other things of business that he had to do, of course.

He actually shoudn't have been so surprised that he got stuck in a traffic jam. But when he looked out his window, he had to admit that it was better being inside his car where he was warm and dry, rather than outside in the awful weather. With this in mind, he had to remind himself that, eventually, he _would_ be out there, in the rain, and he would probably get wet in the process.

Another reason that he preferred to do some of his more important shopping in the city wasn't simply the fact that they were just more _abundant_ here, but mostly because it was just too awkward shopping in the closer and more accessible super market near his home. For the eight years that he had lived in the district, he had avoided interaction with most of the other residences, for his own reasons, and many didn't like him, or even considered him part of the community. He was sure that the only person who actually knew his name was the old doctor and his two young granddaughters.

So it was just easier to do his more important things in a place were people didn't know who he was, or would ask questions.

After about half an hour or so, Kenshin finally squeezed through a break in traffic and swiftly found a place to park his car in the nearest parkade. After locking it up, he strolled casually out into the side walk before he realized that he had forgotten to bring an umbrella. Mentally he shrugged, it didn't really matter to him if he got wet or not, and hopefully he would be inside most of the time.

He had to take the subway first, and occupied himself in finishing a sudoku puzzle that someone had conveniently forgotten in the empty seat beside him. He had never been very good at them, but it was half-finished anyway so it didn't take him very long to fill in the rest.

The subway passed a few stops, others got off and more and more people came on, and Kenshin was slightly relieved when he finally was at his own stop. He had taken the same route many times before, so it didn't take much concentration on his part to get there, and before very long he was at the office.

He was at the door when the familiar feeling of nausea hit him, but his well-schooled features betrayed nothing, except for the "I'm-just-you're-regular-average-guy" expression that seemed to be forever plastered on his face. It seemed so authentic, even Kenshin sometimes forgot that it was fake. It just proved how much he wanted to convince himself that it was, he had always thought.

The building, on the outside, was actually quite plain. It held the presence of a real-estate office, or even any old regular travel agency. It didn't have any signs marring it's perfect concrete bulk, not even any graffiti vandalism. It would have appeared abandoned if not for the steady flow of people that were forever going in and out.

Kenshin strode carefully over to the secretary's booth, and leaned casually over the side before tapping the bell lightly.

"Ohayou, Yumi-san. Is there anything here for me today?"

The secretary pursed her lips, covered in lime green lipstick, and then made a tsk-ing noise in the back of her throat. Kenshin just smiled, knowing that he wasn't fooling her for a moment with the pleasantries.

"Shishio-sama has taken care of anything that has come up. You'll find that the heads are quite satisfied with him," Yumi said disdainfully at him.

"Then I guess I'll be going," Kenshin replied, his voice not even giving any hint at the relief that he felt.

Yumi flashed him a sarcastically sweet smile before saying, in a sugary voice, "Actually, _**he**_ has been wanting to talk with you Himura. If you're not busy...?"

"Actually, I am busy, so if you don't mind...?" Kenshin replied in the exact same tone. Yumi just huffed at him and waved her hand as if saying _Fine, do what you like._ Kenshin then made his way out, glad that nothing more major had been left for him. He hadn't been assigned a job in awhile and though he knew that the heads wouldn't hesitate to drop something on him on a moment's notice, he was glad for the pause.

Kenshin knew that his recent behavior at the office probably wasn't putting him in good favor, or even giving him a good reputation with his co-workers, but he didn't care, not anymore. Secretly, he suspected that the heads were sadistically satisfied with his slow withdrawal, but he had never enjoyed his work, he was just starting to show his dislike a little more. Not as if this would make them drop him, of course. He was sure that the complexities that would arrive if he got dismissed and the _cleaning up _that would need to be done were too much for them to be bothered with. And he was glad that he didn't have to talk to _**him **_today, now that was something to be happy about.

With that in mind, Kenshin decided that he would try his best to actually _enjoy_ his day in the city, despite the rain. In fact, if he tried, he could almost find some good things about the rainy weather. Just one of those "cup-half-full-not-half-empty" sort of things, he supposed. Hmm. Optimism. Maybe he should try that point of view more often.

Mentally he shrugged, but decided that it wasn't a bad idea to try to have a good time.

- - - -

Kenshin decided to avoid the more popular shopping places and was content to have his lunch in comfortable ramen shop that he was sure he must have visited once or twice before. After his quick stop he spent the rest of the afternoon picking up the random odds-and-ends that he needed to get.

It was a shame that he was in too much of a rush to actually relax and enjoy himself, but for him, it was enough that he could just avoid being unhappy. The rain hadn't let up very much, but Kenshin didn't seem to mind the fact that he was getting soaked as he maneuvered his way around metropolitan Tokyo. It wasn't as if he cared about his appearance, he had had enough people stopping and looking at the odd single curved scar on his cheek that it didn't really matter what others thought about him now. It was just those things that you got used to.

But he knew that it was better to get his shopping done with before traffic got too heavy. He didn't want to get stuck in another traffic jam, though he was pretty sure that it was inevitable, anyways. He decided to skip another stop at Headquarters, and avoid the confrontation with his boss for the moment. Postponing things wasn't really a good habit for him to get into, but Kenshin didn't really want his good mood to ruined. At least, not today.

Obviously some sadistic god must have been hearing him think at that exact moment, because after that everything took an awful turn for the worst.

"Battousai."

Kenshin stopped abruptly at the cold and sneering voice that had just addressed him with his most hated nickname. His eyes narrowed with immediate dislike and he made sure that he turned around slowly towards the man who had approached him so stealthily.

The man was clad in the regular gangster get-up and Kenshin guessed that he was probably working undercover. So why would Chou bother to to take the time to sneak up on Kenshin now? Kenshin raised his eyebrows in what he hoped was a surprised expression, and subtly prompting Chou to get on with whatever he wanted to tell him.

The man detached himself from the wall that he was lounging against and walked a few steps in his slouched swagger. His hair was dyed a strange pale straw color, and he had the annoying habit of wearing it straight up in what could only be described as "broom-like." Kenshin's hand drew into his coat pocket slowly, where he kept his pocket knife. He would have preferred something that could do a little more damage, but it was suspicious for him to be seen walking around with a sword at his hip all the time, no matter what sort of comfort it could give him. So, he usually kept his large knife with him whenever he went out, just in case he might need it.

Chou didn't seem to be armed, but Kenshin knew from experience how carefully hidden he could keep his weapons from him. He knew it wasn't beyond Chou to launch something at him even though they were technically co-workers. But then again, at Headquarters, "co-worker" was practically just another word for "rival."

Seeing Kenshin wary expression, Chou let out a barking laugh and drawled, "I got transferred to a new sect last week."

Kenshin failed to see how this could be breaking news, and even less how it affected the current situation. "And what does that have to do with me, exactly?"

Chou shrugged. "I'm with Saitou now."

Kenshin's eyes grew darker and he frowned. He could just imagine what Saitou could do with a little spy of his own to mess around with. So that explained Chou's unusual costume, he was probably doing one of Saitou's espionage missions.

Kenshin sighed, and as he did he could just feel his stress levels go up several notches. "I suppose he has a message for me, doesn't he?"

Chou let out that barking laugh again. "Bingo."

Kenshin rolled eyes before letting out a long-suffering sigh. "Out with it then, so you can leave."

Chou shot a glare at him before leaning against the wall again in an act of indifference. "Who says I'm gonna leave after I tell ya?"

Kenshin didn't reply, just leveled a now very annoyed gaze at him and made a non-committable grunt. Chou almost jumped at the hostility now radiating from the small man. He had to remind himself that Himura wasn't someone to cross swords with, and anyways, he really _did_ need to be going soon. But he fiddled with the zipper of his jacket for a few moments just for the sake of annoying the man.

"Hmmph. He just wanted me to give you these," he says as he hands Kenshin a large folder that was tucked in his jacket. Kenshin sighed as he accepted the files, and placed them in one of his shopping bags, making sure to situate them somewhere where they hopefully wouldn't get very wet.

Chou was giving the impression of trying to sulk while still keeping his dignity, but in the end just rolled his eyes and said, "Well, I guess I better go. Some promotion I got, now I'm just a friggin' message boy. Keh." And with that Chou almost seemed to melt into the nearest alleyway and Kenshin could still feel his ki until it too disappeared amidst the confusion of the city.

Kenshin let his gaze drift slowly to the bag where the folder now was and suddenly felt like the rain was the perfect weather to match his mood. Well, hopefully he would be home soon were he could lounge in his solitude for the rest of the day. _So much for being optimistic,_ Kenshin admitted to himself dryly.

Kenshin turned around the corner of the empty street into the flowing crowd that swarmed around him. He was managing to keep a little dryer now that he could maneuver himself under the millions of umbrellas that floated overhead, and his steps feel into a comfortable rhythm, letting the flow of people push him in the right direction.

He couldn't have been walking very long when finally the crowd began to thin out just a little bit. When he looked around he saw that this part of the city was a little bit more Westernized than most, littered with quaint cafés and bookstores. He had never been in this part of town before, but he recognized the street and was pretty sure that that the parkade where he had parked his car was near. At most, a few blocks away.

His feet led him around the slower people as he weaved through the thinning crowd, and he felt a light prickling in the back of his head, as if it was vying for his attention. It was more like an itch at the back of his mind that he couldn't quite reach, easy to ignore. But it was slightly bothersome, he couldn't quite put his finger on what it felt like, but he had felt it before, he was sure...

A voice behind him. "_Matte!_"

A girl's voice. Again, "Matte!"

The voice stopped for a few moments and he assumed that whoever the girl had been calling out for had stopped, but...

"Please wait! You, with the red hair!"

This yelled observation caused Kenshin to stop in his tracks in shock, and he realized that he was fairly much the only person in the area who could fit into the description. He heard the distinct pounding of wet shoes on pavement and then he turned around to face whoever was calling for him. It couldn't be someone from Headquarters, she sounded too young for that. And calling out for him in the middle of street like this was too tactless for someone in his line of business.

Amethyst eyes glowed with confusion as he pivoted his body around to face whoever was calling him. She was right behind, panting, her hair framing her face in a wild halo, and soaking wet, eyes opened wide with shock and... fear?

"Oro!" Kenshin exclaimed as the girl let out a strangled gasp, and her eyes lost all life in them as she wobbled on her feet. Kenshin thought that she was about to faint, and as he saw her body tip precariously forward, he took a few steps forward and spread his arms out to catch her. She was shivering...

"Excuse me? Are you alright?" he asked her motionless body. No answer.

He noticed a few people passing by him slowing down and staring with the same confusion as Kenshin felt, but he took no notice. He turned her body around in his arms and looked at her face.

The faint itch in the back of his mind had begun to become more insistent, and when he looked into her pale face it flared up behind his mind before it was gone again just as quickly. His eyes clouded with confusion and then he frowned at the girl as if she was the cause of all his grievances.

Now... what to do?

Truth was... he didn't know. And Kenshin had been in his fair share of perilous and/or unexpected situations, so why was his mind completely blank?

Maybe it was the stillness of the girl's body, or the cold dampness that was seeping onto his arms from her dripping frame, but Kenshin gave out a long sigh and looked into the girls face again, as if trying to prompt an answer out of her emotionless face.

He briefly entertained the thought of just dumping her on the concrete sidewalk and continuing on his way as if their little encounter had never happened, but if Kenshin could say one thing about himself, it was that he wasn't completely heartless. And he doubted that his conscience, hidden and smothered away as it might be, would let him simply abandon someone who obviously needed help.

He shifted her weight in his arms and gathered her long tangled legs, pressing her body close to him and he cradled her in his arms. It was a bit of a challenge to keep his equilibrium while being weighed down by numerous shopping bags plus a small woman, and Kenshin was not a large man. But he managed. It was then that he noticed the small, weather-beaten black suitcase that lay forgotten on the side walk about three feet away from him. The girl's suitcase, he reasoned. He quickly closed the distance between him and the tired-looking luggage and picked it up. He made a quick double-take between the girl and her suitcase, the first few words of a question forming in his mind.

_Why is she carrying...?_

Chastising himself firmly, he decreed that it was none of his business and that he should be more concentrated on what to do with the girl in question. He supposed that he could always drop her off at the nearest hospital, get her out of his hair, but...

He looked down at the girl nestled in his arms, like a little bird curled up in it's nest. She seemed so exhausted and helpless, like she was just looking for a place to rest from the storm. Both figuratively and literally. And looking at her like this, Kenshin felt a surge of protectiveness, not entirely sure where it came from.

And it was then that he decided what he was going to do.

- - - -

Once Kenshin was on the highway and out of traffic, he found it much easier to break the speed limit. He knew that it would probably be only 10 minutes or so before he reached his home, even without speeding, but for some reason he had become to feel an increasing sense of urgency to get back home.

Maybe it was the frequent weak coughs that the girl was giving out every now and then from the back seat, that and the temperature of her shivering body had been when he had placed her in his car. She was burning, her face flushed with a scalding fever. He needed to get her home and changed into some dry clothes, call the local doctor...

He needed to, needed to...

Darting a quick glance in the rearview mirror, he assured himself that she was there, that she was real. Very real. And very sick, and in very urgent need for warmth and medicine...

Kenshin frowned. It seemed a little odd for his thought to be going around in circles, wasn't it?

Finally he saw his turn, and cringed slightly as the tires squealed as they strove to find some purchase on the dirt road. He convinced himself to let his foot relax a little on the gas pedal, if not for his sake then at least to make sure that the car drove more smoothly for his passenger.

Despite this, the trees on one side of the road still were blurring slightly as he sped past them, and Kenshin breathed a sigh of relief as he saw the tiled roof of his home peeking timidly over the leaves.

In no time at all he was driving his car around the back of his house and parked it in the habitual spot. He could hear the faint whisperings of the Tama river that was not too far away, felt the soft breeze that mumbled seductively through his hair, and he immediately felt more peaceful. But he quickly pulled himself out of his reverie. He hadn't rushed back home to just stand and stare at it, he had to get the girl inside the house.

He did just that, and made quick about it, too. Completely forgetting the bags of groceries and the suitcase that had been thrown hastily in the trunk --he could always get them later, anyways-- he gathered the small girl once again in his arms, closing the car door with a loud _thump._ After managing to slide open the door with his foot, Kenshin hastily kicked his shoes of and continued to carry the girl up the step and into the house.

His feet made hardly any noise on the polished wooden floor as he made his way down the hall and around corners to where the rooms were. He looked down at the girls face, and saw that already wisps of hair were drying in curls, framing her face. It would have seemed peaceful, save for the deep flush of fever that was painted across her cheeks. And her breathing... it seemed more shallow then it had been before.

Kenshin slid open the screen to the room beside his, which the wall separating the two rooms could also be slid back to make another doorway. Most of the rooms in the house were like this, but Kenshin specifically chose the one beside his room. _To make it easier to look after her,_ he reasoned.

The tatami mats made less noise under his feet then the wooden floor had. It was softer too, and he took advantage of this by laying the girl down softly on the floor. The room was sparsely furnished --it was hardly ever used-- with only a large ink painting scroll pinned to one wall and a small wooden dresser barely two feet tall under it, where a vase probably meant for flowers was placed.

Kenshin quickly pulled out a dusty futon from the closet, shaking it a few times in the doorway before laying it down on the floor. The girl had begun to shiver again, he noticed, and he started to speculate exactly, _how_ it would help her if she was put in bed still wearing her soaked clothes?

And he felt a heavy sense of horror as he realized that he would have to undress her.

Kenshin rolled his eyes up to the heavens, in a plea or maybe just a sarcastically muttered "Why me?" but sucked up his embarrassment --it was necessary, after all-- and marched into his room to dig out one of his spare yukatas for the girl to wear. On a second thought, he also grabbed a dry towel that caught his eye, and knelt down beside the girl slowly.

He cocked his head, studying her for a few moments, and began to raise his hands, almost reverently, and began to pull her arms out of her damp jacket. The skin slid through smoothly, but when Kenshin tried to pull it off her shoulders, he met resistance. And then he noticed something that should have been painfully obvious since the moment he had see her. She had swords strapped to her back. Well, technically it was only i one /i sword, and a bokken, but it was the principle of the thing! She had a _katana_...!

Kenshin began to wonder what the girl's reasons must have been to call after him on the street, someone he had never seen before. Perhaps her reasons weren't so innocent as he had thought. Maybe... His eyes narrowed in suspicion, and he pulled the two obstructions from the girl's back, letting the bokken clatter to the floor while he brought the katana nearer to his face to look at it more closely.

It was a fairly old sword, he could see that. The sheath was dented and well-worn, as was the handle. Dulled by use and time. Moving with decision, he placed his calloused palm on the handle and pulled out the sword in a swift movement of shining steel and flexing muscles.

"_Oro!_" Kenshin gasped as his violet eyes reflected off the polished and well-cared for blade of the sword. But that wasn't what had startled him. It was the blade itself, and he stared at it for a few moments before,

"The edge is on the wrong side," he muttered to himself. And indeed it was. The blade itself was well made, the sword perfectly balanced and precise, but _why was it reversed?_ He looked from the katana back to the girl, and then back to the katana again, musing. His suspicions quieted, and he slide the blade quietly back in it's sheath. You wouldn't intend to kill someone using this sword, he concluded. It was practically useless for any intended harm, and worthless, unless you wanted it for an antique, and that might even be the case. Maybe she had stolen it.

Kenshin then returned to pulling her jacket off, and deposited the dripping garment over a rail on the porch to dry. He left the door leading to porch open, and was glad to see some sunlight peeking out through the dark clouds. It had stopped raining, and the scent of fresh, clean mountain air drifted through the room and into Kenshin's lungs.

Breathing deeply, Kenshin pulled off the girl's shoes but left on her socks, which were fairly dry anyway. Now all she had left on was a buttoned-up blouse and a pair of threadbare jeans. Kenshin shot an accusing glance at the folded yukata nearby, almost as if he was willing it to get up and undress the girl itself. He really wished that it would, but wasn't entirely surprised when it didn't. His fingers pulled slowly at the buttons of the unconscious girl's shirt, and he wanted to do it quicker, get it over with, but found that he couldn't force his fingers to move at a faster pace. She had started to shiver again, and more violently now that there was a draft. Kenshin silently cursed himself for so stupidly leaving the door open, thinking that it would do her some good, when it was doing the exact opposite.

With the blouse finally tugged away and the girls shoulders bared --Kenshin didn't even dare touch her bra, he would leave that where it was-- he quickly peeled away the wet denim from the girl's slim legs and gently pulled the yukata around her. After tying it firmly around her waist, Kenshin let himself relax as he placed the girl on the laid out futon, and covered her with a thick blanket to cut off the chill. He began to worry a little bit more as he noticed how her cheeks were flushed even more with rouge, and placed a wet cloth on her brow in hopes that it would help. The screen to the porch had been pulled closed to shut of the breeze, and the room was now fairly warm and cozy.

Kenshin walked out of the room into the hallway, and strode into the kitchen where the phone was. Grabbing the device, he punched in a few numbers and tapped his fingers impatiently against the counter as it rung.

When he heard the click of the phone being answered, Kenshin swiftly said, " Moshi-moshi, I need to speak to Genzai-sensei."

- - - -

"My goodness Kenshin-kun, I'm not very surprised that she fainted like that, she has a temperature of 103 degrees!"

Kenshin had never been very knowledgeable about sickness and medicine, but he knew that 103°was _not_ a normal temperature for the human body.

"She has probably caught the flu, being outside in the rain and all. She should be better in a few days, at the most a week," continued Genzai-sensei.

They were in the room again, the doctor doing his regular doctor-ly tests on the young girl, with Kenshin sitting only a few feet away against the wall. He was contemplating, listening to what the doctor was saying, understand it, but not really reacting.

He was brought out of his reverie by the sound of the doctor pulling something out of his bag, the object in question making a rattling sound as it was pulled out. In the doctors hands were two jars of medicine, pills, Kenshin concluded by the sounds they were making.

Holding out the larger, orange colored jar, Genzai-sensei said, "Make sure she gets lots of fluids in her, and give these antibiotics to her every 4 hours to fight off any infection."

Then, shaking the smaller blue jar for emphasis, the doctor continued, "When she wakes up, give her one of these aspirins if you think she needs one, and if she seems a little confused at first, just explain the important things to her. Give her food if she's hungry." The doctor then gave Kenshin a reassuring smile. "I'm sure that you'll be fine. But if you need anything, don't be afraid to call, alright?"

Kenshin nodded gratefully as he accepted the two plastic jars. "I understand, Genzai-sensei," he said, giving the doctor care-free smile.

They talked for a few more minutes before Kenshin saw the doctor heading back down the dirt road to where his clinic was. It may have seemed like Kenshin's home was in the middle of nowhere, but just a short walk down the dirt road was a small collection of shops and assortments of booths that was technically part of the town of Okutama, but was mostly used by tourists of travellers off the highway.

Kenshin turned and went back into the house, thinking to himself, musing, contemplating, just _wondering_ how his day had taken such a strange turn. Letting himself into the girl's temporary room, he sat himself down again against wall. He could see the girl's face, and she looked so peaceful despite the fever that was hot on her skin. And Kenshin felt that odd feeling again, like the girl had been looking for place to rest and he had just sheltered her. He felt that strange protectiveness, that strong emotion that made him want to stay and just watch her.

Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing, after all.

- - - -

A/N:

Hopefully it won't take to long to get the third chapter up, since I have a long weekend. A i very /i long weekend. BTW, I have tried to do as much research on this area of Japan as much as I could without reading Japanese, and I have never been there, so please forgive me if I have (or in the future) make any mistakes regarding the country and its... geography? Culture? That sort of thing. :D

-Urban

**Japanese Terms:**

Ohayou: hello, good morning

Matte: Wait!

-san: honorific, is something like Mr. of Mrs.

-sama: another honorific, meaning great respect, like Lord or Lady

Moshi-moshi: "hello" used when answering the phone

-sensei: honorific, means teacher, but also used for doctors


	3. Unconfirmed Suspicions

Disclaimer: ...Kenshin is not mine. (Except in my dreams. :D) The honors belong to Watsuki-sensei.

_Shattered_

By Urban Twilight

Chapter 3: Unconfirmed Suspicions

A/N: Well I'm back, I guess. RL has really been a pain, and it doesn't help that I find this chapter unbearably boring. This was originally going to be longer, but I found the pace to be so slow that I just cut it off. If you listen hard enough, you might be able to hear me sigh as you read it...

" " is a flashback

"- - - - - -" is a divider

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sounds of combat echoing through the halls of the dojo had woken her up. Kaoru carefully and quietly disconnected herself from the tangled blankets of her bed and slid open the shoji screen door of her bedroom. The wooden floor beneath her bare feet was cold and hard, her soft flannel PJ's doing nothing to ward of the chill that had started to seep into her skin, causing her to shiver reflexively.

She could distinctly hear the whistling noises of a bokken slicing through the air, the soft grunts of effort, the echoing _smack_ of feet against the floor. Of course, these noises were coming from the training hall, exactly where they always were. Despite knowing this, Kaoru was curious as to why her father would be practicing his kendo at such an hour of the night. Again.

She slid her way down the hall, making sure that her feet made no sound against the polished wood of the floor, walking past her father's bedroom --empty of it usual inhabitant-- until she was at the door of the training hall itself.

It wasn't the first time she had seen her father up in the middle of the night practicing his katas, so she was experienced at making sure that he didn't noticing her peering face through the small crack in the door, didn't notice her bright eyes following his every move, and didn't notice her sharp intakes of breath when his bokken hit the floor of the dojo with a resounding _crack!_

It had never occurred to the young girl why her father needed to practice his kendo in the middle of the night, whether to ward off his demons or in defiance of some sort of impending doom.

Noiselessly, Kaoru slid the screen shut and went back to her room.

- - - -

"What are you saying?"

The teenage girl was staring at her father, a bland look of disbelief etched rigidly on her face. She didn't want to believe him, but she knew what he said was no lie. But she just couldn't...

Her father jut shook his head, and his expression was all that Kaoru needed to drive her thoughts home.

_'There's a dojo in Kyoto that's looking for a kendo instructor. They are offering a good pay in advance, and you would get to meet more people you're own age. More respectable people than the rebels from the high school that come here. It's the perfect neighborhood.'_

...so he had said. But Kaoru couldn't find it in her heart to forgive him, again.

She was packing her bags, saying good-bye to friends she had hardly got to know, promising to write when she knew that she probably wouldn't.

It was just so _hard_ to leave everything behind again.

- - - -

"'Tou-san! Otou!"

Kaoru was pointing her pudgy fingers at the towering buildings of Tokyo, her six-year-old face filled with childlike glee.

Her father was in the sitting room, leafing through a sea of pamphlets and files, fingers wrapped loosely around a pen, tapping a staccato beat against the kitchen table.

Finally his daughters enthusiastic cries broke through to wherever he was, and Kamiya Koshijirou looked up, his stern look replaced by calm patience as his eyes followed the line of Kaoru's fingers.

"Can you see it?" the young girl was saying brightly. "It's Mount. Fuji! Mount. Fuji!"

Her father laughed and pulled away from the table, approaching the small child.

"Yes, I see it. It's beautiful, ne?"

Kaoru tried to school her features to becoming more mature, like her father's, but her joyfulness still shone through her blue eyes. Her father placed his strong, weathered hands upon her thin shoulders, squeezing them encouragingly.

She smiled up at him. "Yes, it is very be-beautiful."

- - - -

She had her fingers curled around the bamboo shinai, her posture defensive, shoulders rigid. She was ready for the attack, knew that she could parry any blow.

The boy was standing a few feet away in a similar posture, feet squared with his shoulders, a look of determination and arrogance gracing his features. She had forgotten what his name was, they had only been at this particular kendo school for a short time, but she knew that he was considered to be the best in the class. Not that she cared.

Her father was standing a few feet away, glancing between his two students, analyzing their expressions, their stances.

"Hyoji," he called out. "Grip! Grip you shinai correctly."

Only Kaoru noticed the glare the boy sent her father, and she felt her stomach stir with the beginnings of anger. How dare he show such disrespect to her father!

And then: "Kao! Relax your shoulders! Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu doesn't involve trying to make your shoulders touch your ears!"

She winced as she heard faint chuckles among the other students, and ignored the way the anger in her stomach had frozen into cold embarrassment.

Koshijirou was studying the two opponents again, and then nodded slightly.

Hyoji --or whatever his name was-- charged at her with a yell, shinai held high above his head.

Kaoru smiled. She didn't even have to block his attack as she thrust her bamboo sword into the boy's stomach. He stumbled backwards, winded, and she whispered, "I win."

She turned towards her father, hoping, wishing for some sort of congratulations, even a smile, or looking at her with pride, but his expression was the same as usual. Emotionless. Stern. Completely unyielding.

And despite the fact that she had won, Kaoru felt strangely bitter.

- - - -

She held the tiny box in her hands, fingers running wistfully over the sides in a gentle caress.

"It's been awhile, I know."

She wished that he could answer her, wherever he was. But no, he was too far away, he probably couldn't even hear her words. All she had left to talk to were his ashes.

"I try so hard, Otou-san, but it never seems to be enough."

Still no answer. But, she hadn't really expected one.

"I'm so tired."

- - - -

The doctor said that the wound on her head would be tender and bruised after awhile, and that she had gotten a mild concussion, but frankly, everyone was amazed that she was even alive. Questions were asked: "Why wasn't she murdered too?" People comforted her, said soothing words that Kaoru didn't hear.

The interrogator in front her, despite the injury, was not kind.

"You don't remember anything? A face, hair color? Eye color? Height?"

Kaoru shook her head. "No. Well, I think his eyes were...gold."

The man snorted back at her in disbelief. "_Gold?_" he mimicked.

Kaoru said nothing, did nothing to defend herself. She didn't know if her lapse of memory had been intentional, or just an ironic coincidence.

When she was finally allowed to go back to the small house her father had rented for them --instructed to pack her belongings and would have someone pick her up shortly afterwards-- she went straight to her father's room.

It seemed peaceful, and so very, very quiet. Almost as if her father wasn't really dead, almost as if he hadn't been...

She frowned at the room and entered, kneeling at the end of the room in front of a small altar at the back.

Usually the altar would have been placed in the family sitting room, or at least in the dojo hall, but for some reason, her father had placed the altar inside his room when they had moved to Kyoto.

Placed on a stand, gazing regally across the room, was the katana.

"_Sakabatou,"_ her father had told her a few years ago. She repeated the name under her breath, extending a hand to remove the old sword.

She could recall her fathers words completely.

_"It's been in our family for at least four generations, passed on to each master of the Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu since the late 1800s. The point was to make a sword that one could use without doing any serious harm, even if the attack was hit on a fatal spot. See the reverse edge? You have truly mastered swordsmanship when you are skilled enough to use a real blade, but have enough control to not to draw blood. This is one of the most important goals of a practicer of our family's style."_

And then he had said: _"It will belong to you someday."_

Kaoru felt the heavy weight of the sword in her palm. And suddenly, she could feel the weight of everything that depended on her. The future of the Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu. Her own future, alone. Her father's... But she had never felt so alone.

She couldn't help him. She couldn't even tell the police the identity of his killer. She was unworthy to be called his daughter.

She had to do something...

Kaoru felt her heart tighten painfully in her chest, and she made no effort to control the flood of tears that escaped her eyes. Her fingers tightened around the sword's sheath, even as her vision blurred in front of her.

_I'll avenge you, somehow._ she thought.

_I'll find whoever killed you, no matter what, and I'll..._

Her eyes flew open with shock. Kaoru truly didn't know where those thoughts had come from, but they felt...right. She needed to do something. She need a purpose. She would find out who killed him...

She didn't know what she would do if she did, but for now, that would be what she would do. She would find that man, that man with the strange amber eyes, even if it took her forever.

And she would make him pay.

It was bright. Very, very bright. The glare shone through her eyelids and pierced her jumbled dreams like a needle, causing her to stir. Her hands felt heavy against the soft fabric of her bed, and her eyelids seemed to be even heavier.

When she managed to open her eyes, the light shining brightly through her senses made her vision dance wildly, and caused her to blink erratically several times to clear her blurry eyesight.

When everything was back into focus, Kaoru was fairly sure that she had no idea where she was.

Looking around the room, she saw that it was empty of any other people, so she had no one to explain things to her.

But she asked anyways. "Where am I?"

Just another questions to enter into her list of Things-Not-Answered. But moving past that, Kaoru rolled over on her side, scrambling to get her legs under her. But complications arose when she tried to get up, a wave of dizziness causing her legs to shake and collapse beneath her. "Ah!" she cried out softly as she fell back onto the futon. When she brought her hands up again to rub at her face, she noticed that they were shaking. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to force away the lightheadedness.

So that obviously wasn't going to work. Kaoru lowered a trembling hand from her face, trying to get her thoughts to form a normal pattern, trying to figure things out. She had a habit of blowing situations out of proportion, she knew, and had to tell herself to calm down. It wasn't like she was being held captive or anything.

She looked around the room again, hoping to catch sight of something that she might be familiar with. Thankfully, there was. She saw her bokken and the Sakabatou placed within easy reach and her suitcase laid against a wall a few feet away. Catching sight of the suitcase, Kaoru's memory came flooding back. Memories of the what had happened yesterday --or what she thought was yesterday, at least-- about getting kicked out of her apartment, leaving Kyoto, intending to never go back...

And with a gasp she remembered who she had seen in Tokyo. She was sure... his movements had seemed so familiar... it had to have been _him_.

But where had he went? She remembered running, trying to catch up with him...

She just couldn't remember...

A shadow slowly appeared against the light shining outside through the open door of her room. Kaoru spun around quickly, the speed of her movements causing her head to spin with dizziness. But her relief made her temporary nausea seem unimportant, she wanted to see who this person was, wanted to find out what had happened between _then_, and _now_.

She heard the sounds of footsteps before she could register anything else in her brain, and then the man was there, kneeling down beside her bed, a sincere smile spreading across his face. Kaoru couldn't help but smile back, hesitantly, suddenly at a loss of what to say.

She didn't need to worry about that for the moment, for the man said, "I thought I heard a voice. I'm glad you're finally awake."

Kaoru was fairly certain that from another person's point of view, her expression was most likely a flawlessly executed "drowning fish" impression.

It couldn't be...

Kaoru gave herself a mental shake, and didn't try to stop herself from blurting out, "Who are you?"

And then even louder, "Where am I? How--"

The man beside her seemed to be unfazed by her rude outburst. "Now, now," he interrupted. "You've been sick, aren't you hungry?"

As if on cue, Kaoru's stomach growled in agreement, and she couldn't help the faint blush that dusted her cheeks. She suddenly noted the bowl of soup the man held cradled in his hands. She hadn't even noticed the painful hunger knawing at her stomach until he had mentioned it.

She frowned slightly as she noticed that the man was still smiling. Things were beginning to spin out of control, and Kaoru tried to grasp onto the few things that seemed slightly normal. Ignoring the tiny voices screaming in her head, _Don't trust him! It's probably poisioned!_ she reached out her hands to take the warm bowl of soup from the man's hands.

As the object was exchanged, Kaoru couldn't help but notice the rough calluses on the man's palms. She recognized them, because she had seen the same kind of roughness on her father's hands, and her own.

The soup was warm, but quite watery and bland. The first spoonful caused her insides to warm up too, and Kaoru closed her eyes in relief, unaware, or maybe even forgetting, the man's violet gaze. But after several spoonfuls, she began to realize why the soup was so thin when her stomach began to contact painfully. She forced herself to gulp down some more before, hands beginning to shake again, she placed the soup down upon the tatami mat floors of the room.

It was then that some of the man's earlier spoken words began to get through to her.

"I've been... sick?"

The man didn't even blink, but just nodded slowly, as if afraid that any quick movements would alarm her.

"Yes," he said, he voice even and gentle. "I found you yesterday evening, you must have caught a cold, being out in the rain like that. I had a doctor come in to look at you after I brought you home."

Kaoru blinked, seeing how some of what he was saying beginning to make sense. She remembered the rain, her first night in Tokyo spent being pounded by millions of rain drops.

Before she could reply, the man was suddenly pulling a jar out of nowhere, and had popped the top of before Kaoru could ask what it was. He emptied two small pills into his hands. He looked up and held her gaze for a few moments, and it was then that Kaoru noticed the deep, reflective depth of his bright violet eyes.

And it also called to attention the scar that traced a crescent on his left cheek.

She felt a familiar darkness creeping upon her mind from all sides, not overwhelming her this time, but more like trying to call to her attention something that she should have been able to recall.

The man must have seen the startled look in her eyes, because he pulled his amethyst ones away from her's, and held out his hand.

"You should probably take these," was all that he said.

Kaoru took a shaky breath, mentally threatening the darkness with her bokken, and swallowed the two small pills down her throat. They weighed heavily against her dry tongue, and Kaoru gulped audibly to force them down. She could still feel them as a large lump in her throat, and she turned hesitantly towards the man and asked, tentatively, for a glass of water.

The man made a strange sound in the back of throat, a sheepish expression appearing on his face. He excused himself from the room, he footsteps echoing down the hall.

When he returned with a glass of water and a mumbled apology for his forgetfulness, Kaoru could no longer fight the wave of fatigue that began to descend upon her, and slept.

- - - -

Kenshin couldn't stop himself from watching her.

It was strange, to have another person staying in the same house, and he had distinctly felt the girl's presence before he fell asleep last night and when he woke up. He couldn't escape it. It was like a nagging feeling at the back of his mind that didn't go away. He wasn't used to such a feeling.

He slid open the fusuma doors separating their rooms and made sure to close them behind him, cutting himself off from the girl. She was unsettling, and he didn't know why. For the first time in years, he felt worry nibbling at him, a sensation he had almost forgotten. There was definitely something strange about her, that was for sure.

He turned away from the closed door to face the room, trying to pretend that he wasn't worried. But the problem with that was, the more you tried to pretend that the worry wasn't there, the more it seemed to grow. You couldn't escape it.

He closed his eyes, hands rising to rub soothingly against his temples. He wasn't enjoying feeling so uneasy...

He left the room and went to the kitchen, deciding that he had better put the rest the rest of the food that he had bought in Tokyo away. Most of it was already done, but he hadn't had time to finish doing the job when he was busy taking care of that girl.

_He didn't notice the large green folder that slid soundlessly from one of the bags and disappeared under the counter._

- - - -

He could feel the soft stirrings of her ki as the girl gradually returned to consciousness, and made good use of this advantage by turning on the electric rice cooker, and started to make dinner. The food would be simple, and easy on the girls stomach. She was still recovering from her illness, and he had noticed how she had barely kept down the soup he had given her before.

Oh, and this time, he remembered to put aside a glass of water for her. He knew that he was being silly for acting so embarrassed about it, but it was so unlike him to forget something like that. He decided that it was most likely because he had never had much experience about taking care of people other than himself.

She still hadn't completely awakened by the time the rice was cooked and the rest of the dinner prepared, so Kenshin quickly ate his own meal. After he was finished, he gathered the girl's food onto a tray and walked towards her room.

Her room. Now he was calling it _her_ room. As if it actually belonged to her.

Shaking off the thoughts, he slid the shoji door open a slit, peering in to see if she was awake or not. To his surprise, the girl was sitting up, all hints of queasiness gone, and looking very much awake. Maybe she had heard the door opening, or maybe it was something else, but somehow she knew he was there and turned around to face him, smiling gently.

He was surprised, but careful to not let it show as he opened the door all the way and led himself inside. He went to the side of her bed again, holding out the tray of food like a peace offering. To be able to mask her ki like that... and the sword... She must have had some training in kenjutsu.

She didn't take the tray of food at once, but instead, "It's raining again."

Once again Kenshin was caught by surprise, and wasn't so confident that he had hidden his expression as well as he had before. It was true. About an hour after she had fallen asleep, the sky had been blanketed with soft gray clouds, shrouding the sun. A light drizzle had begun to fall, making unmistakable soft pattering sounds against the roof of the house.

"Aa," he replied, and let go of the tray as the girl lowered it into her lap. "I don't think it will last very long, though," he added. The girl only nodded thoughtfully as she chewed on a slice of pickle.

Kenshin was glad to see that the girl was managing to eat most of her food, a sign that the worst of the sickness had left.

When she was done, the girl placed the empty tray on the floor beside her, and then turned towards him again. She looked as if she wanted to say something, but unsure how. Her fingers, nestled in her lap, twisted and fumbled with each other with nervousness.

"Umm..." she finally said, "How long have I been here?"

He didn't have to think for too long before answering. "I found you yesterday afternoon, you had fainted."

"...fainted?" she repeated. Kenshin nodded, and said, "We're in the Nishitama district now, near Ome. This is my home."

"Oh," was all she said.

The silence settled on them quickly, and Kenshin felt the tension in the air. The girl was feeling it too, he could tell by the anxious arch of her back, not to mention the flare of her nervous ki that grated against his senses.

"I guess," she said, breaking the silence, "you probably want to know why I, uh..." The sentence was left uncompleted, only because it was oh-so-obvious that the girl's situation hadn't been a very good one.

"I was forced to leave my old apartment, very recently. I didn't... have anywhere else to go."

Her words were hesitant, as if she was afraid of giving away too much. He was slightly curious about why, but decided that he wasn't going to pry, she had her right to privacy, after all. But, it at least explained why the girl had been carrying around a suitcase, and had looked so forlorn and lost when he had found her.

"What's your name?" he asked her. For a few moments she looked started, as if she had forgotten he was there.

"My name... It's Kami--Kaminawa," She stumbled on the surname, looking slightly more composed before continuing, "Kaoru."

The name meant nothing to him. He had never heard it before, and he almost breathed a sigh of relief. Kenshin smiled at her, trying to put her more at ease. "Well, Kaminawa-san, it's nice to meet you."

Kaoru smiled back at him, before asking, "Who are you...exactly?"

"Himura. Himura Kenshin."

Kaoru got a strange expression on her face, something that he couldn't really describe. It was almost as if she was... studying him somehow, or maybe trying to figure something out. He wondered faguely what had caused her scrutiny, but brushed the thought away. The worry had returned, seeming to be even harder to ignore than it had been before.

"...Kenshin..."

The was a slight pause before Kenshin awnsered, his voice giving no hint to the earlier tension, "If you think you're strong enough, you can a take bath, if you'd like."

She smiled gratefully at him, and Kenshin noticed how her deep blue eyes seemed to light up with life when she did.

- - - -

Kaoru sank deeper into the warm water, enjoying the feel of the water on her skin. Steam rose up in thick clouds above her head, swirling around in an erratic dance on the ceiling. For the first time in a few days, she could finally allow herself to relax, trying to ignore the confusion that burned deep in her stomach.

She didn't know what had come over her. That man, Himura... what was it about him that made her senses tingle in the back of her mind? Once again, it was a feeling that she couldn't quite grasp, but it was there, hovering around her thoughts.

She was wary of him, that she knew. Frowning up at the ceiling, Kaoru remembered how her fake surname had sounded on his lips. _Kaminawa._ It had been unexpected, but it just hadn't felt right to tell him her real name. It felt _wrong._

So she had lied. No big deal, it wasn't as if she hadn't lied to someone before. But the question that had been itching at the back of her head was still unanswered.

Who was 'Himura Kenshin?' From what she knew so far, he seemed to kind, and open and honest...

It was still a shock to remember who she had seen on the street in Tokyo. The man's features were a blur, something that just blended into her mind and melted away. It was so frustrating. He had been so close, and she had been useless to stop him. Again.

This whole situation was confusing her to no end...

But if what she suspected was true, maybe she hadn't been completely useless. Whoever this Ken-what's-his-name person was, she fully intended to find out. Until then...

With a sigh, Kaoru pulled herself out of the bath, grabbing the soft towel that lay nearby and wrapping it snugly around her body. Her legs shook with effort, and Kaoru felt the pull of vertigo tug at her arms before she managed to steady herself against the wall. Shaking her damp hair out of her eyes, she gathered up her things.

A few minutes later she slid open the bathroom door quietly and tip-toed her way back to her room. Her futon had been freshly made, the window slid open slightly to let the the fresh autumn air into the room. She could smell the scent of the newly fallen rain still clinging to the breeze, and Kaoru felt something that was curled tightly in her stomach unravel slightly. She couldn't help but smile at how peaceful it felt here, almost as if she belonged. It was so strange.

- - - -

"Is she still asleep?"

"I don't _knooooow._"

"Shush! What if Ken-nii hears us?"

"If Ken-nii...!"

Kaoru wasn't sure what it was, but something was tugging at the firm hold that sleep seemed to have on her. She mumbled something incoherent, her eyelids fluttering on her cheeks.

"Feel this, her hair is so soft!"

"Sooooo soft!"

Kaoru was then rudely awoken by something that began to tug very hard at her hair. Eyes flying open, her face contorted with shock. Her hands rose to her hair, grasping at the blue-black stands, her sleep hazed mind trying to find the source. Mentally, she groaned. This was _not_ how she had expected to wake up.

Flipping over on her side, she was surprised to find that the tugging had stopped. Instead, she was almost nose to nose with two jovial faces, mischief and surprise dancing in the two pairs of eyes.

"You're awake!" one of them chirped.

"Awake! Awake!" the other said in a sing-song voice, her pigtails bobbing up and down on her head. The older one giggled beside her.

Kaoru blinked in surprise, not really understanding what was going on.

_Who are these little..._ she thought to herself before one of the girl's voices piped up once again.

"Ken-nii told us that we had to be quiet because--"

The girl was interrupted from her speech by Kenshin himself, a very flustered Kenshin that hardly managed to seem very threatening as he leaned against the door frame, his shoulders heaving dramatically as he panted for breath. He looked up at Kaoru, his gaze shifting from her to the two girls that were kneeling beside her. Kaoru wasn't really surprised to see the apologetic grin that he gave her, his eyes softening as he looked at the three of them.

"I'm very sorry they disturbed you, Kaoru-san, you'd be surprised at how fast they can disappear when you're not paying attention..." Kenshin trailed off, his face a classic expression of sheepishness. Kaoru opened her mouth to reply but was shocked to suddenly find the two girls clinging to each of her arms. She wobbled unsteadily for a few seconds, but couldn't help laughing at the two identical faces that were looking pleadingly at Kenshin.

The one that was firmly attached to her left arm wrapped her fingers tightly into Kaoru's yukata, and announced, "We only wanted to see onee-chan!"

The other one nodded in agreement and cried out "'Nee-chan! 'Nee-chan!"

Kenshin looked even more flustered and walked inside, but Kaoru just shook her head and laughed again.

"It's alright. I'm feeling much better, and it was about time I got up. Are these two..." Kaoru thought for a few moments before continuing, "...you're granddaughters?"

Kenshin's eyes widend in shock and surprise, and Kaoru immediately knew that she had said something wrong. Kenshin stood there for a few more moments, his gaze shifting from the two girls, his jaw only dropping lower and lower.

He abruptly turned around, facing away from Kaoru, shaking his head.

"Ororo," she heard him say softly. "I did not think that I looked that old..."

"Ken-nii?" one of the girls chirped, both of them still firmly clamped to their arms. Kenshin looked over his shoulder at them, a smile once again plastered firmly over his face.

"Ayame-chan, Suzume-chan, would you like to help me make some lunch?"

Both girls nodded eagerly at the suggestion and detached themselves from Kaoru's arms. She was almost sorry for them to be leaving, and she straighten her shoulders before getting up out of bed herself.

"I'll help too," she found herself saying to Kenshin, causing the girls to cry out in triumph.

Kenshin only gave her a skeptical look, his violet eyes looking deep into her blue ones; before nodding. Kaoru smiled back at him and then closed the door behind them so she could get changed. She shook her head disbelieving, pushing down another chuckle that tickled at the back of her throat.

- - - -

Kenshin couldn't help but to feel slightly amused and strangely touched by the scene that was unfolding before him.

Ayame carefully molded the rice in her hands, her tiny fingers shaping the sticky substance expertly. Suzume sat on a chair beside her older sister, her wide childish eyes watching Ayame's fingers, trying to mimic the same motions.

But that scene by itself wasn't so unusual. He had helped the two girls cook many times before, and they had been in his home many times that by now they were quite comfortable in his presence. Something that he still couldn't accept had happened with such ease and such... normality.

But, the thing that was causing Kenshin to feel a strange lightheartedness and amusement was their new guest, Kaoru.

She too, was helping the two girls prepare their lunch, but even Suzume put her efforts to shame. Kenshin had to make a mental note to make sure that he _never_ let Kaoru near a kitchen again.

He was so amused, that he didn't realize what that thought meant. He didn't realize that he starting to think -and act- as if Kaoru wasn't merely a guest, but a permanent resident. The whole house sang with her presence, it didn't seem right to think that she could possibly leave.

Kaoru's fingers were practically covered in rice, the grains clinging to the smooth skin, and he could even see a few that had managed to stick to her hair that cascaded freely down her back. The onigiri themselves were shaped quite oddly indeed, mismatched and lopsided as they were.

Ayame noticed Kaoru's creations, and then Kaoru's attempts at molding the rice into some form of symmetrical shape, and giggled. Suzume beside her stopped and followed her older sister's gaze, and then she began to giggle too.

Kenshin didn't move, wasn't even aware if he was breathing or not, as Kaoru looked down at her fingers, and noticed, as if for the first time, how hopeless her cause was. He watched, fascinated, as he saw a multitude of emotion course through her eyes. Disappointment, embarrassment, resignation, until it finally settled on amusement as well, and then the kitchen ran with her own laughter, a tinkling, joyful sound that made him smile.

Suddenly he found Kaoru's brilliant sapphire eyes pointed at him, the laughter still shining in their depths.

"I think you must realize by now, Kenshin-san," she was saying, while trying to stifle her giggles, "That I'm hopeless at cooking. I think I'll stop now before I make a fool of myself."

It occurred to Kenshin that he must seem quite stupid and dim, standing there smiling. In fact, such an image reminded him too much of Shishio's young assistant, Soujiro, for it to be comfortable.

Thankfully, Ayame saved him from having to answer her, as she cried out, "I like Kaoru'nee-chan!"

And, as expected, Suzume repeated Ayame's outburts with her own chiming of "'Nee-chan! Kaoru'nee-chan!"

And in a few seconds the tension that Kenshin hadn't noticed was there had broke, and he felt at ease as he laughed along with the three girls. He shot a glance at Kaoru, and for a moment he was surprised see her scrutinating gaze on himonce again. They weren't hostile just... searching. But they seemed to bve looking for something different than before... That thought alone made him nervous, but before he could figure out what to do, she turned away from him, suddenly looking strangely tired.

He pulled a chair out from under the western style table in the kitchen, and asked her if she wanted to sit down. Once again, he felt the heat of her eyes on him, and she mumbled a response. She lowered herself carefully down on to the chair, and he could see the tense muscles in her back beginning to relax.

A few minutes later they were all at the table, the two girls swinging their chopsticks around expressively as they chattered away. Really, Kenshin was only pretending to listen, and Kaoru was picking at her food while her attention seemed to be elsewhere. She seemed to be very different from the cheerful person she had been when she had woken up. It intrigued him.

When she had finished her food, she carefully placed her chopsticks down on the table, and folded her fingers carefully in her lap. Her eyes were looking downwards, her shoulders stiff again with hidden tension.

In the end, Kenshin supposed it would have to be him that broke the silence.

"Ayame and Suzume are the granddaughters of the local doctor, I watch them for him about three times a week."

Kaoru's eyes shot up, her expression sheepish. "I'm sorry that I assumed..." she trailed off, looking uncertain. She was still embarrassed.

"No, it's fine."

Her lips twitched slightly as her expression brightened. "You really don't look very old, you know."

That statement made him want to laugh. Almost an hour ago she had practically called him an old grandfather, and now she was saying that he looked young? He didn't understand her at all.

After a short silence, she said gently, "Thank you."

Once again she had surprised him. He frowned, not quite sure what she meant. "For what?"

This time, her smile was genuine. He felt something inside him shift as she looked at him those blue eyes again, but this time they were shining with a different emotion.

"For... everything. For helping me out, I guess." Her voice was sincere, like she really meant it. He hoped that she did.

"It was nothing," he assured her. He saw her smile knowingly at him, as if they had just shared some sort of secret. The feeling between them only lasted a moment though, as Kaoru abruptly pulled her chair back from the table, gathering her empty bowls in her hands. She placed them on the counter, and he could see the sunlight that shone through the window reflecting off her smooth hair. He had never realized how silky it looked, and he had the sudden urge to touch it, but he held himself back. He didn't understand this, how such a young girl could just walk into his life and make him feel so different.

It was almost enough to make him afraid.

- - - -

The girls were kicking the ball around the yard, the joy on their faces unmistakable. Pure, simple joy. Kaoru wished that she capable of feeling such an emotion.

She could hear the distant rumbling of a river that Kenshin had mentioned was near under the cries of the children. It filled her with a sense of peace, and with that peace came a clear mind.

She had been surprised to find that Kenshin home was actually an old dojo. She had been in so many before that as soon as she had stepped out into the sunlight, she had known. The familiar aura around the house only served to help her relax more. Kaoru wasn't sure if this was more of a blessing or something to push her off her guard.

Kenshin was playing with the girls too, and in the sunlight untainted by clouds, the bright glittering of his violet eyes seemed almost exotic. The children were so at ease with him, and the more Kaoru spent time near him, the more her suspicions became absurd. How could she possibly think...

Something deep in her mind told her to keep herself on guard. The situation she found herself was difficult, and the vow that she made years ago made her suspicious of anyone that seemed so familiar. But it was beginning to occur to her that maybe she was wrong about Kenshin. Looking at him now, there was no way that he could be capable of... Kaoru didn't dare even think it. He couldn't possibly be a cold blooded killer, there was no way...

Kaoru leaned against the sturdy wooden beam on the porch. It was reassuring to have something strong supporting her, a comfort that she had been lacking in her life for a long time. She breathed a soft sigh, and let her soul loose to mingle in the peacefulness surrounding her.

When Kenshin came to sit next to her, she was already asleep.

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Thanks for reading! Just so you know, Kaoru's flashbacks at the beginning are i not /i in order. I'm sorry it took so long for me to write such a crappy chapter...

-Urban


	4. A Step Forward

Disclaimer: I own _nothing. _Except this shiny penny that I found on the ground today...

_Shattered_

By Urban Twilight

Chapter 3: A Step Forward

" " is a flashback

"- - - - - -" is a divider

Author's note: Be prepared for some fluff. In fact, you might want to consider getting an umbrella.

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The next day Kaoru woke up earlier than she had in a long time, and was filled with almost a sense of surrealism. The slightly distilled light poured through the window and created flickering patterns against the rumpled blankets of her bed. Her hair curled around her face in a soft embrace, and if Kaoru breathed in deeply enough, she could still smell the lingering jasmine scent.

The house made soft creaking sounds, almost inaudible against the chirping of the birds outside and the whisper of quivering leaves. She turned around on her side, brushing her hair aside in one quick movement. Propping her elbow up on her pillow, she rested her face lightly in the palm of her hand, scanning the unfamiliar room. Her saffire eyes flickered to her suitcase, noting the clothes that lay nestled safely inside.

She felt, if not relaxed, than at least content, despite the situation that she found herself in.

It was annoying her.

Kaoru let her hand drop and pushed herself gracelessly out of bed. Her knees cracked at the unexpected movement, and she flexed them slightly to loosening up her joints. She felt a familiar twitch in her hands and managed to smile at the sensation. Eyeing the worn-out bokken that lay beside her suitcase, she quickly changed into some more comfortable clothes before gathering up her practice gear and slipping quietly out of her room.

The morning chill left her feeling more awake than before, and made the smile that graced her lips widen. The well-worn haori and gi were old, but she found them to be the best clothes for sword-practice. The bokken was light in her grip, and it seemed to make her whole body hum with tension and excitement.

_This is what you live for,_ it whispered to her gently. _This is who you are._

_Yes,_ she replied. And prepared herself to begin.

Her arms swept forward in a familiar position, and her fingers curled slightly on the hilt of the bokken, adjusting her grip. Her hair brushed against her shoulders, sending ice prickling down her spine. She lost herself in the sweep of the katas, her body dancing with the feeling of power and grace that filled her limbs. The sun rose steadily above her, and soon the early light of dawn had grown into the blazing rays of mid-morning.

Kaoru smiled in her exhaustion, not at all surprised at the way time had passed her by. She finished the final strokes of her kata and then let her arms relax against her sides. She eased herself down on the ground, the grass still slightly wet with dew. Her panting seemed unusually loud, and she gave herself a few moments, lying there serenely on the grass, to catch her breath.

She was distracted from her meditation by a creak, and it took her a few moments to register the sound as a gate opening. Someone was there. She shot to her feet, not surprised, exactly, but mostly embarassed to be found lying on the ground. She felt sweaty and dirty, and probably looked like a mess. She tried to dust a few traces of dirt off her shoulder subtly with her hand, but the movement was terribly obvious.

She didn't recognize this old man, though his face was round and jovial with a short beard pulled down from his chin. His knarled hands were clasped in front of him, the weathered fingers curled around the handle of a bag. He was smiling at her, his soft eyes crinkled with a softness and friendliness that made Kaoru relax.

The man bowed deeply in front of her, and Kaoru did the same. He introduced himself first, and his voice was smooth and a friendly, with the faintest hint of an accent.

"Good morning," he said, as if they had met like this everyday of their life. "My name is Oguni Gensai, I'm the local doctor here." He made a gesture towards her with his hands.

"When I last saw you, you were dangerously sick. Though from your earlier display I can assume that you're feeling much better." He chuckled to himself and walked past her towards the entrance to the house.

Kaoru followed behind the doctor and stepped up into the house after him. There was Kenshin coming around the corner, a drying towel slung over his wrist and a damp cup held in his hands.

"Gensai-sensei," he said in aknowledgement to the doctor, his tone welcoming. He caught sight of Kaoru, and his eyes widened.

"Kaminawa-san!" He grinned sheepishly. "I thought you were still asleep..."

She shook her head, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. Kenshin led them into the kitchen, and the doctor sat down at the table, setting his bag down beside him. Kenshin pulled out a chair from the table and offered it to Kaoru, his violet eyes strangely guarded as she sat down.

The doctor took his time in explaining why he had come. He and Kenshin exchanged old news, and once the doctor asked Kaoru what she thought of his two granddaughters. Kaoru felt strangely detached from the conversation, feeling more and more like and outsider from a world of such simplicity. She doubted that anyone in such a secluded area had ever needed to worry about murders or the hardships of life on their own. She envied them.

"Kaminawa-san?"

It was Gensai-sensei. She looked up from her scrutiny of the table to meet the old man's deep-set eyes.

"Yes?" she replied. She caught a glimmer in the corner of her eye, and her gaze was drawn to the silky russet hue of Kenshin's hair. And once again she was awed at such a foreign color.

"I was saying that it appears that you have recovered remarkably well. Do you have any concerns you might wish to ask me? Do you feel alright now, or have you had any problems?"

Once again Kaoru found herself shaking her head. "No," she told him. "Himura-san told me that I had a high fever, and I was dizzy for awhile after I woke up yesterday, but I feel fine now. I probably just got sick from being outside in the rain.

"You really don't need to worry about me," she assured the doctor. "I'll be fine."

If he thought her assurances were too sincere, or if he had any doubts of his own, the old doctor didn't show it. His eyes crinkled at the corners in a genial smile, and he bade good-bye to them both. Kenshin walked the old man to the gate, and Kaoru was left alone in the kitchen, watching the sunlight flicker across Kenshin's hair as he slipped out of the room.

She pulled a strand of her own hair out of her ponytail, and rubbed the coarse thread between her fingers, meditating. A million thoughts coursed through her head, none with simple answers to them.

She was free to go now. She no longer needed to accept Kenshin's hospitality; it might even be unwelcomed now. Maybe he expected to return to see her packing her things, ready to leave.

Did she want to leave? Where would she go if she did?

The answer to that question was easy. She didn't _have _anywhere to go.

And then there was the question that Kaoru hardly even dared to consider. What if she _did_ stay? Was she prepared for what she might find --no-- what she probably wouldn't find, the way things were going.

But she couldn't stay here. How could she ask him to him let her stay? If she felt like an outsider now, she would only feel more so in time. She didn't belong here; she didn't belong anywhere for that matter.

She felt a twitching in her fingers again, but it was a different tingle this time. It was nervousness, it was the urge to smash things, preferably something that she could smash into a thousand pieces.

And then she was filled with a helplessness that shocked her more than anything else. She couldn't afford to lose hope, to lose that stubborn persistence that had kept her going for so long. If she did, she would crumble; shatter like leaves in autumn. The truth was, she was a little bit afraid to be alone again. To have to start things on her own again, to have to run around in circles only to end up in the same place where she started.

But she couldn't admit to this. She couldn't acknowledge any weakness she might have, if she was avenge her father. She couldn't give up, to do so would be to turn her back on everything that was important to her, and she would no longer be able to carry around the sakabatou, or even her old bokken for that matter. The Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu would wither and die until her father's ideals became nothing more than wishful thinking. It was her responsibility to uphold them.

She let the strand of hair slide from her fingers, and pushed herself away from the table. She couldn't sit around anymore, waiting for her demons to catch up with her. The demon with amber eyes...

She shivered slightly, and closed her eyes for a brief moment, hesitating. Kaoru didn't like making choices. To her, things had always seemed to come naturally; the right choice had always been obvious to her.

Kenshin... She wasn't done with him yet. He had caused such a deep stirring in her, and she was almost sure that there was more to him that what he allowed others to see. If she could stay, somehow, maybe be able to keep an eye on him until she was satisfied...

To run away now would be cowardice. He confused her, one moment having her think '_No way, it couldn't be him,'_ and the next moment, '_Maybe, just maybe he is...'_

But she didn't have a choice. Kenshin had neither offered her to stay nor given her any clue that he would. She was only assuming.

The choice was obvious, but she didn't want to accept it. She would have to leave.

_This is crazy_, she thought. _What am I making such a big deal out of? 'Himura Kenshin' is just someone who helped me, someone who was kind enough to take care of me when I was sick. It's stupid of me to continue this absurd suspicion when it so obvious that..._

_That what? Appearances are deceiving, Kaoru. You're instincts have always been good. Why do you think it feels so wrong to have to walk away from this?_

She was at her temporary room now. She lingered in the doorway, like a bird poised for flight and she hesitated once again.

She didn't hear any footsteps behind her. The voice that seemed so chillingly familiar that said "Kaminawa-san?" behind her made Kaoru jump. She whirled around, stumbling into the room as she did so. She knew that right now her eyes were probably wide with surprise, but not fright. No, she couldn't be afraid.

She pasted a smile on her face and even her voice sounded strained to her.

"I just want to… thank you very much for helping me. I appreciate it very much and will always remember your kindness."

Kenshin's eyes were sincere as he asked, "Is there anywhere you need me to drive you? Are there any friends nearby that you could stay with?"

She almost laughed. She didn't have any friends that she could go to; if she had she would have gone to them already. She tried to hide any signs of treachery from her voice and said, "I have an aunt that lives a nearby. If you would be so kind to drive me to Tokyo, I would appreciate it. I can take the train to my aunt's home from there."

Kenshin's eyes betrayed no suspicions about her lie, and she told him that she would be packed and ready to go in a few minutes. He excused himself - was his voice a bit strained? - and Kaoru was alone in the room.

As Kaoru had expected, she had so little belongings that she just had to stuff her threadbare clothes into her battered suitcase and strap her sword and bokken onto her back and she was ready to go. She was feeling that strange sense of surrealism again as she slid the door of the room close, the soft thud as it met the doorframe vibrating through the house in what seemed to her as finality. Her breathing was soft but her heart was pounding.

She met Kenshin outside, and he lifted her suitcase into the back seat, despite the fact that she had informed him that she could do it herself. It wasn't all that heavy, after all. He shrugged it off with a smile as he pried her fingers away from the handle.

"You're still a little sick, and you have a train ride ahead of you as well. I can do it."

She laughed at him, but loosened her fingers and allowed him that single act of chivalry. He was so kind...

And then they were on the highway, and Kaoru imagined that she could see Kenshin's home through the thick patch of forest that concealed it. She could see the faint glimmer of the river farther away, and even the top of a few buildings peeked out from behind the trees. It looked so comfortable there. Like an oasis.

The radio was on, and Kenshin was humming the tune to an english song that Kaoru recognised, but she couldn't remember the name. It had a wistful feeling behind the fairly upbeat music, or was she just imagining that it did?

It wouldn't be a very long drive to Tokyo, and the silence between them would have been a comfortable one if Kaoru wasn't so tense. She gripped the hilt of her bokken tightly, her fingers rubbing against the familiar nicks and dents in the wood.

Thankfully, Kenshin was braver than Kaoru, or perhaps knew that the silence was about to choke her any second and asked, "So, how old are you, Kaminawa-san?"

"Nineteen," she replied, trying hard to make her voice not squeak.

"I'm twenty-seven," he said, a ghost of a laugh in his voice, as if he had said an old joke.

"Do you practice kenjutsu?" he continued, somehow making his eyes linger on the bokken for a few moments while still being able to drive straight. His voice had become quieter, his tone no longer friendly, but somehow guarded. And slightly curious, of course.

She felt the hard coldness of the sakabatou beside her, so different from the comforting warmth of her bokken.

"Yes... I do." _Or did_, a taunting voice in her head whispered.

His eyes had mysteriously locked themselves onto the road again. "That is interesting," he replied. Kaoru didn't say anything else about it, and neither did he.

- - - -

Once they had arrived within the borders or the city, Kaoru had begun to feel numb. Now the numbness was bordering on a muted sort of panic, but it was easy to shrug it off. It was easy to pull herself out of the car and it was easy to laugh at the put-down expression on Kenshin's face as she beat him to her suitcase.

Outside of the platform was crowded, and she wanted to be rid of Kenshin before he realized that she wouldn't be taking a train at all. It would be easy to slip through the hordes of people, and if she was lucky Kenshin wouldn't ever discover her deception. She turned around to thank him, to separate her path from his, to cut herself completely away from his life. It was unlikely that she would ever see him again, so it was better to forget him.

"Thank you...Himura-san, for all the help you have given me." She told him, and she didn't to fake the sincerity in her voice.

She waited for him to reply, waited for him to say the words that would make it alright for her to go. He just nodded, and said "Good-bye then, Miss Kaoru."

It wasn't what she had expected, but it was enough. She nodded and turned her back on him. _It will be easy to forget him_, she told herself.

She weaved through the crowds, knowing that there was surely another exit somewhere. It shouldn't be too hard to find an exit relatively far away from where Kenshin was parked. It would be awful if he found her walking _away_ from the railway when she was supposed to be _on_ it.

However, no matter how many times she tried to convince herself, she couldn't truly forget the look on Kenshin's face when he had said good-bye. His eyes… they were so strange. Mostly violet but… tinted with…amber… They were like flecks of gold hidden in his irises. They certainly could shimmer interestingly at times.

Kaoru shook away these thoughts. _Forget him, forget! _she snapped at herself mentally. She spotted a door, and could vaguely see the outline of the buildings through the glass. She weaved her way towards it, and extended a hand to grasp the smooth metal of the handle. But then something stopped her.

Kaoru heard a voice behind her. It was like two days ago, when she had first spotted him in the crowds. His voice was faint, but insistent, and she stopped and turned around to face him. She didn't really believe what she was hearing until she saw his bright hair, a stark contrast against the uniform black of everyone else's hair.

"K-kenshin?" she stammered, her eyes widening. No, _no_, he couldn't be here. He had left. He _must _have…

"Kaoru!" he cried out again. He was holding her jacket in his clenched hand. The jacket that… she had forgot in the seat of his car. _Damn_.

"Kenshin?" she asked again, this time her voice giving hint of her shock.

"Kaminawa-san," he wasn't even panting after his run across practically the entire railway. And the subtle change between his earlier "Kaoru!" to now the polite "Kaminawa-san" wasn't lost on her. He extended his hand to her, and she accepted her jacket incredulously.

"Thank you. Again," she replied, trying to sound polite and not nervous.

But Kenshin certainly wasn't stupid, or as unobservant as not to notice that Kaoru was by an exit, and not in line for a train to Yokohama or some other place. His eyebrows lifted in silent question. Kaoru deflated.

"I'm sorry," she said, truly meaning it. She heard Kenshin sigh in response.

"You don't have anywhere to go at all, do you?" he asked, shaking his head.

It was Kaoru's turn to sigh. She could just tell him to mind his own business, but he _deserved_ to know. It had been wrong to deceive him. "No," she said with finality. There was just no arguing with it.

"And I'm sorry, but--"

"Stop apologizing," he interrupted, with just a hint of ire in his voice. Her eyes hardened at his tone and she turned to leave. She owed him the truth, certainly, but she _definitely_ didn't owe him an explanation.

She was stopped by a warm grip on her wrist. She jumped slightly at the contact, and instinctively pulled away from him with jerk.

"No, wait," his voice was pleading. And this shocked her more than anything else.

"Please… don't walk away like this," he continued, and with a gentle pull on her shoulder he turned her around to face him. Her cerulean eyes immediately clashed with his violet ones… but there was something different in them now. They were… more _amber_ now then they had been before. Kaoru shivered under his touch, and his eyes darkened as he felt it.

"Please… let me help you." She shook her head, not daring to believe…

"I've managed to live comfortably for the past eight years on a generous inheritance, but my property is quite large and I could use a boarder. I'm sure you could find a job…"

_No, no, this can't be happening, no…_ she was chanting like a mantra in her head.

"… And once you've settled done you can feel free to do what you want, but you have to understand that I can't just let you go when I know that I can help. Please, let me help."

Every time he said please, Kaoru could feel herself relenting more and more. She almost could have laughed. In the end, there wasn't really a choice for her to make, was there?

He held his hand out to her, pleading for her to accept. He… he really wanted to help her, didn't her? Her fingers trembled slightly, but she didn't hesitate as she placed her fingers in Kenshin's offered hand. As she did, she felt strange, like her body had suddenly turned around in a different direction. And she realized that this was what it felt like to finally take a step forward.

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A/N:

Wow, that took I long time. I apologize. Really. Hope you enjoy, and I will be finishing up the next chapter soon. Also, thank you to everyone who reviewed, I hope this chapter is satisfying.

Urban


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